


More To It Than Love

by WolfAndHound_Archivist



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Angst, Marauders' Era, Pre-Slash, Romance, mating for life
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-07
Updated: 2004-11-28
Packaged: 2018-05-18 20:19:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 7,996
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5941774
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WolfAndHound_Archivist/pseuds/WolfAndHound_Archivist
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>How will Sirius tell his best friend he loves him before Snape makes a move - and how will Remus explain the full complications of being a werewolf?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. More To It Than Love

**Author's Note:**

> Note from Lassenia, the archivist: this story was originally archived at [Wolf and Hound](http://fanlore.org/wiki/Wolf_and_Hound), which was created to make stories posted to the Sirius_Black_and_Remus_Lupin Yahoo! mailing list easier to find. However, even though I still love the fandom, I am no longer active in it and do not have the time to maintain it. To preserve the archive, I began manually importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in December 2015. I posted an announcement with Open Doors, but we may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact me using the e-mail address on the [Wolf and Hound collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/wolfandhound/profile).

Saturday

He is an insufferable know it all. I find time to complain about it everyday. I can't just let him forget. He'll ask me, "Why do you always ask me the questions you can't answer? What makes you think I know?" "Because," I'll reply, "you know it all." Then he will do the damnedest thing. He'll smile that 'that's-what-I- thought' grin and his eyes will sparkle with that 'I-know-everything-there-is-to-know-about-you-Sirius-Black' look. I just give him my 'oh-do-you' smile ... because he doesn't. He doesn't have the faintest clue about how I really feel about him. He doesn't know that when I fall asleep at night visions of him, various foods, and a bath pop in my head. He doesn't know what he is doing to me as he mercilessly molests that poor strawberry with his tongue. Oh but that strawberry enjoys it.... I know I would. 

"Sirius!" 

I feel a sharp jolt run up my left arm. 

"What!" 

I look at James, upset that he forced me out of my X-rated thoughts. James smiles. He knows what I was thinking about. 

"You didn't hear a word I said." 

It was a statement, but I answered it anyways. 'What do you think,' I think scornfully but I say; 

"Yes, I was." 

"Really? Than what was I talking about?" 

I think fast. 

"Quidditch?" 

Most likely answer. James always talks about Quidditch on the Saturday of one of his games. I hear Lily snicker from the other side of James. Wrong answer. James rolled his eyes scornfully, but he kept smiling. He leaned closer, lowering his voice just loud enough for me to hear. 

"You should tell him." 

I pull back so quickly that I almost fall out of my seat. I quickly glance at Remus, who was in a deep conversation with Peter over a potion book. 

"What? Are you crazy," I hiss at James, "Do you know what he'll do..." 

James's smile grows twice its size. Suddenly I get the feeling that he knows something. I scowl at him. 

"What do you know?" 

"Nothing," he laughs. He is lying. He has to be. "If he hasn't figured it out yet **someone** is going to tell him." 

James left no room in his voice for doubt as to WHO would tell him. 

"You wouldn't." 

He would. 

"I would. Who would you rather tell him: you or me? Who do you think he would rather hear it from?" 

It was a fair enough question but I didn't answer. 

"Besides," he became deathly serious, "look at the way Snape stares at him. Even Peter has noticed that. If you don't do something soon, he will, and I don't think we want that to happen." 

James was right. Snape had become obsessed with him. In potions they, Remus and Snape, were partners and it was hard not to notice just how **nice** Snape was to Remus. How Snape would casually brush Remus's hand, causing the touch to linger a few seconds to long. At first they thought Snape was up to something, but Peter had pointed out that Snape acted just like James did with Lily. Remus had dismissed it with: "Why on earth would he like me. He is the most xenophobic person I know. He knows what I am. He has expressed his abhorrence for me, and my kind, quite a bit.", but it still nagged at Sirius. 

"I don't think Snape would do anything," 

I say finally, even though I look over Remus's shoulder to find Snape staring, causing me to doubt that. 

"I'm just saying....," James let his sentence trickle off as he stood up. He looked at the other two. "I have to go to the pitch. I'll see you guys later." 

He sent a knowing, sympathetic smile to me. 

"Well, I want to go finish my essay for Professor Figg on spororatus potions. I only have half a foot left and I don't think I will feel much like it tomorrow," 

he said, referring to the fact the moon was full tonight. He held up the book he and Peter were looking at. 

"Off to Jason the Haughty." 

He smiled a weak smile and left the table. My eyes quickly looked at Snape. Sure enough, he was there watching Remus walk out of the Great Hall. His eyes quickly looked to me. I loathe that man with all my being. He smirked at me and then turned to speak to Evan Rosier. I really detest Severus Snape.

\-----------------------------------------------------

Wednesday Night.. er... Thursday Morning

I hate Professor Figg. I hate that old woman with a bloody passion. I look at the clock. It was 12:45. Twelve forty-bloody-five. Peter and James had gone to bed 45 minutes ago and now I am the only one left in the common room. Remus and Snape had to finish a potion for Professor Figg and she insisted that it be done today so about 8:00 Remus went off to the dungeon where they had potions so that he and Snape could work on it. He and Snape. Alone. With Snape. For the past 5 hours and, now, 49 minutes. Maybe I could go and check up on him - you know, just to make sure Remus was alright and he hadn't lost his way back to the Gryffindor tower. Hey, anything is possible. Maybe James would let me borrow that cloak. But before I can actually decide on how I was going to "borrow" the cloak without James knowing, the portrait swung open and in walked a very languid looking Remus. My stomach dropped to my feet. 

"Where have you been?" 

It was a little harsher than I meant it to be, but it got the question out. Remus looked slightly taken back by this. 

"In the potion's dungeon, you know that." 

He said just as harsh. 

"Well, why do you look so rumpled?" 

I noticed the slight pink that tinted his ears. I didn't let my self dwell on the fact that it was cute. 

"I..," he stuttered. 

I waited. He hadn't thought up a proper lie. Very unlike Remus. 

"I'm tired; I want to go to bed." 

He waved it off with a brush of his hand. 

"Well, that's strange 'cause it looks like you have already been rolling around in a bed." 

My own words make me even madder. What in the hell am I saying? 'Good question,' I can hear Lily say in my head. Remus, of course, voiced the same question. 

"What are you talking about?" 

"Oh, gee, I wander. You have been alone with Snape for 5 hours and 49 minutes. I want to know what you were doing?" 

My voice is a lot louder than I mean it to be. Lily: 'Shut up and apologize now before you did yourself in deeper' but damn, I never listen to anyone - especially the Lily in my head. 

"We were doing our assignment what do you think we were..." 

He broke off, realization filled his eyes. 

"You actually.. Me? Him? NO! Have you gone mad?" 

'Really,' I think logically (Lily: 'That's a first!'), 'him and Snape is a foolish thought,' but still.. 

"How do I know that," 

I spit. I'm barely aware of hearing a door open behind me. Remus was in shock, but only for a second. 

"Fine than." 

Suddenly I was very aware that he was a werewolf with the wild instinct of fury in his eyes and the slight snarl of his lips. I could practically hear him growling. 

"Maybe I could take him up on that offer then," and with that he stormed out of the common room. 

I barely had time to think about what 'offer' Snape had given Remus when I heard James behind me. 

"You idiot!" 

I turned quickly to meet the eyes of most of the Gryffindors. Most of them stood in confusion, Peter in shock, James in furry and Lily in disgust. 

"I told you that he was missing half his brain," she said to James and turned and left. 

"You idiot," James repeated, "do you not think at all?" 

He stormed across the room, and for a brief moment I thought he was going to hit me (he probably wasn't sure if he was of not either), but instead walked out of the room after Remus.

\-----------------------------------------------------

It was almost 2 more hours until they came back. I could hear Peter softly snoring into his pillow. 

"I think they're asleep." 

It was James's voice. He knew me better than that. Remus didn't respond, but I could hear him fumbling in the dark for his clothes. 

"Are you going to be okay?" 

"Yeah. I just.. It was stupid." 

'No,' that Lily-in-my-head said, 'Your stupid.' 

"Yeah," James agreed. "You two can talk it out tomorrow." 

I heard Remus snort, and to softly for James to hear, but loud enough Sirius heard it, he said, "Yeah, right." 

I hit myself on the head, wincing at the slapping sound. Great. Remus - the one that can hold a grudge so tightly that it will squeeze blood out of a rock, the one that I love more than I'm willing to admit to myself - is mad at me. I roll over and hit my pillow hard. I hate Snape. I'm not sure about where that came from, but it made me feel better. I despise Snape. Some how, some way, this is his entire fault.

\-----------------------------------------------------

The Next Morning .. er.. Later That Morning

It was hard not to notice the smug look on Snape's face when he saw that Remus was so mad at me that he was sitting on the other side of the Gryffindor table, Peter had accompanied him. James had been playing messenger boy all morning and was now talking to me, Lily, as always, helped by reminding everyone that I'm an "incurable brain case". 

"Apologize." 

I remained silent. 

"That's all he wants. He knows you didn't mean it, and he didn't mean what he said... he's not sure what he said but.." 

Lily rolled her eyes. 

"I told you.." "Lily!" James snapped but immediately apologized. "I'm sorry, I just... Could you just please help me and not keep telling me that Sirius is an idiot.. cause I know that?" 

James looked at her pleadingly. It was only a matter of seconds before she gave in. 5...4...3.. 

"Okay." 

Disgusting! 

"I'm sorry, too, its just.." 

She looked at me and then back to James. She sighed. 

"I'll go talk to Remus." 

James smiled and kissed sweetly her on the cheek. I was suddenly filled with jealousy. Why can't I have that with Remus? 'Because,' Lily-in-my-head-said, 'you are vacuous,' what ever that means, and she is most likely right. Her and I never got along - and I doubt we will - but James and I have been best friends since toy brooms and he worships her like she is a Goddess, so we live with each other. 

"Thanks." 

James smiled that smile he only smiles for her. She gave herself a second to swoon over the man of her dreams before she stood up and walked over to the other side of the table across from Remus. 

"What's going on? Full story, no censers." 

I frown and stare at my untouched plate. I really don't want to get into this right now, or ever. I have only been awake for two hours and I haven't given myself proper time to process this whole ... situation - not that I've given myself time. I've been busy with all my brooding and plotting to kill Snape - cause this is all his fault! Oh, the ways I hate Snape can't be counted. 

"Your staling." 

No wander he's the 'Brain' of the outfit. Suddenly, without thinking (Lily: 'As always.'), I jump up. 

"I'm going to Divination." 

"Oh no you don't!" 

He jumps up and follows me out of the Hall. 

"Come on." He begs. 

"Just the other morning you were planning on how you were going to tell him, now you won't even talk to him." 

"I tried.. he yelled at me..." 

(Lily: 'You yelled first.') 

"We aren't counting last night," he said sharply and I flinch. He is using **that** tone of voice that was used only when someone did something very bad. I was always the one who got it and the last time I heard it was when I let 'slip' to Snape how to get past the Willow. And, damn, did he give me a tongue lashing that made my mom blush in shame. I would rather get a howler everyday from her (which I usually do) than have to live through one of those again. 

"Well, are you going to start talking? Because if you don't I'll get Lily to make a truth serum and I'll have you confess all your dark little fantasies about Remus to the entire house of Slytherin." 

He's not bluffing either. I doubt he'll have me talk about Remus, but he will make me tell some stuff I would rather keep to myself. 

"Fine." 

"Good." 

I'm walking faster than him, and he is having to run to keep up. 

"Well, what's going on with you?" he asks expectantly. 

I stop dead and turn to him. I might as well tell him the truth but when I open my mouth to tell all.. I stop. I can actually feel the pout tug at my lips. 

"I.. I .. I don't know." 

There is an uneasy panic that sweeps me. The look on James's face is priceless. His jaw has dropped in total disbelief. Suddenly he starts laughing. 

"I don't find this very funny." 

And it isn't! To my utter disbelief he dropped his bag and sat down on the floor in the middle of the corridor laughing. Somehow, after what seemed like 30 minuets (and a gang of clueless, giggling, Ravenclaws), James managed to stop and look up. 

"You really don't know do you?" He is smiling ironically. "Everyone, including Peter, knows why you got mad at Remus last night and you haven't the slightest clue." 

He stands up and shakes his head in astonishment. 

"Amazing." 

"Everyone knows?" 

What exactly does everyone know? Almost as if he could read my mind he says, 

"Why you got mad about Remus having to stay out late with Snape." 

"I was mad because he lied.." 

What? I'm starting to get confused. What the hell am I saying? (Lily: 'It's best if you remain silent and let everyone think you're stupid than to open it and remove all doubt.') Remus didn't lie... 

"He didn't lie...." 

Mind reader, he is. 

"... so that's not why you aren't talking to him." 

"Well... If everyone knows so much more than me, why are you asking me?" 

"We were trying to get you to say it out loud. Lily is right, you have a very large mental vacancy, you do." 

I blink. 

"Do you mind explaining..." 

James pulled me over to a little used class room. 

"You, my dear Sirius Black, are jealous of Snape." 

My jaw dropped and I seriously considered hitting him. 

"You've gone mad. Talk about mental vacancy. Are you ill? Should we go see Poppy?" 

"Well, you are!" 

"What in Godric Gryffindor's name are you talking about?" 

"Well, Remus and Snape were out together till late **MAKING A POTION** and you're jealous that Snape had the guts to tell Remus how he felt and you don't." 

I froze. 

"Snape **what**?" 

He snapped his jaw together so fast I thought he might have broken a tooth. He had just revealed too much information. 

"He didn't tell you?" 

I knew this was all Snape's fault! I knew it, I knew it, I knew it! 

"I'll kill that son of a hag.." 

"No!" James grabbed me not letting go. "Listen, you can't... Remus is confused. Talk to him. Don't do anything stupid without talking to him. I told you to tell him but you wouldn't listen and if you don't tell him soon, or at least apologize..." he let his sentence fall out. "Come on, we'll be late for divination. You can talk to Remus there."

\-----------------------------------------------------

But Remus didn't show up. Lily said simply that he was ill and went back to bed as she helped herself to his vacant seat next to James. Divination was boring as always. The oldest woman on the face of the earth, Professor Corsica Snavely, taught it. She simply didn't like Peter for 'reasons that can't be revealed yet' and ever since their 2nd year she had been predicting James and Lily's 'tragic yet heroic' deaths. It had become a joke really. She would see the grim in one of their tea cups and one of them would say something like "that's my fourth death this weak." Today, they were doing crystal balls. 

"It's going to be foggy tonight," Peter knowingly said as he looked into his ball. 

"Really," James' mocked surprise; "it's going to be too foggy to play the next Quidditch game. We are going to win by default." 

Snavely walked up behind them. 

"It helps to keep an open mind and it also helps to look into the ball, Miss Evans," she said sharply to Lily. The boys snickered and Lily rolled her eyes. 

"What's the point? There is just fog there..." 

"How do you know? You haven't even looked," the Professor said sourly. Lily ignored her. Snavely frowned and looked at me. 

"If you don't do it soon, you'll lose the thing you'll need most," and with that said she sent a scowl at Peter, who sunk three feet into his chair, and turned and walked off. 

"She is evil," Peter said simply. 

"What did that mean? What do I need?" 

"I think she might have made an actual prediction," James smiled. 

Lily snorted. 

"Yeah, right, and I'm going to look into that Globe 'o Fog and see something. I'm glad she isn't going to be teaching anymore after this year." 

She suddenly jumped. 

"Oh, yeah. I got that book." 

She rummaged threw her bag and then brought out a very large brown leather book titled "The final step in the art of Animagi". 

My eyes lit up. 

"Thank you," James said taking the book and politely kissing her hand causing her skin to flush as pink. 

"What are you writing this report for anyways?" 

"Oh, Professor McGonagall said that if I write a report on the steps of becoming an Animagus she will give us back the one hundred points she took away at the beginning of the year," he said and I'm slightly stunned (and in awe) about how easily he lied to her. 

"Miss Evan's." Snavely was back. "Please, come into the back room with me. Please bring your crystal ball along, the rest of the class is dismissed." 

Lily scowled as the rest of us stood up. 

"Okay," James said quickly. "We have Binns next so I can answer for you at roll call, he never looks up anyways." 

It was obvious that he had been thinking about this and I wonder if I can get out of the room before he says the rest. 

"You go to Gryffindor Tower and talk to Remus." 

Groan. 

"What if I don't want to?" 

I know I'm pouting but I can't help it. This is so unfair. Snape is at fault. 

"Do it," Lily said surprisingly sympathetically as she picked up her books. "I'm serous. You will be miserable without him, as even a friend," she smiled and I just KNOW something's coming. "Also, I don't want to have to deal with you taking up James's time brooding." 

"And frankly, nor do I." James said with a serious thoughtfulness. 

Lily smiled one of those 'only for James' smiles and kissed him on top of his messy hair. That jealousy thing is back. It's so easy to be jealous of them. I think as I watch James watch Lily walk into the back room with Snavely. They have what they want. They have what they need. Each other. I'm extremely happy when James turns to Peter and me to leave cause it keeps me from thinking about what I want... "Go talk to Remus." ... for a few seconds.


	2. Part Two

I didn't want to go. I really didn't want to go. I can't talk to him... no; I could talk to him, easy, just not about what I need to talk about. Between 12:49 this morning and now, I have managed to get my self so properly confused that I forgot what was going on. Why am I mad at him again? Oh yeah, he lied. But what did he lie about? He, from what I understand, didn't do anything with Snape. But he could have told me about Snape's proposal of marriage. Okay, so I don't know if he proposed. But I still hate Snape. I had some how managed to make my 10-minuet trip back to Gryffindor tower a little longer than 40 minuets. Actually the count is undetermined because I'm just now leaving the kitchens. I didn't realize how hungry I was until the house elves started shoving little cakes in my hand. After all the places that I could put them were filled, my mouth was left, and now, it too, was filled. Well, there is still an hour to go before lunch so ... I guess I had better figure out what I'm going to say to him. 

'"I love you" would be a good idea!' 

Great, she's back and she is not the person I want to talk to. 

'Tough. I'm the one you need to talk to the most. You have been ignoring me.' 

'And why should I pay any attention to you?' 

'Because, you need to fess up to some stuff. First of all, you love Remus.' 

'I know that! Tell me something I don't know.' 

I wonder if I bang my head against the wall if she will go away. 

'No, cause then you will have a headache and a voice in your head that sounds like your best friends girlfriend. Speaking of best friends...' 

'I think that the proper term that should be used is thinking.' 

'Riiiight. So, THINKING of best friends yours is right, that's the next thing you need to face up to.' 

'What? That James is always right? Your crazy.' 

'Well, I am the voice in YOUR head. Anyways, James is right. You are jealous.'

I chose to not answer. This is silly, fighting with the voice in my head. 

'Oh come on. Talk to me. If talking to yourself is the only way to get you to listen to yourself, then so be it.' 

'Thinking to myself. I am thinking to the voice in my head.' 

'Oh, so THINKING to the voice is your head makes it better?' 

'Shut up and tell me what you want!' 

'I want you to be happy.' 

I can't keep from laughing at that. 

'Then get out of my head.' 

I shouldn't have said that so loud - or out loud - because a girl I recognize as a Hufflepuff 3rd year is staring at me like I'm crazy. Wait, I am crazy. 

'I do want you to be happy and you know the only way for you to be happy is to tell Remus you love him.' 

This is too weird. There is a Lily in my head and I'm talking to her. 

'I'm not Lily. I'm your conscience.' 

'Okay,' I laugh, 'than why do you always tell me I'm stupid? I happen to think 'I'm very smart.' 

'No you don't or else I wouldn't be telling you that you aren't. I am what you feel. When you do something stupid you feel stupid: I just voice it. What you need to do is tell Remus how you feel. Go talk to him.' 

'I have a question. Why do you sound like Lily?' 

'Would you rather it be Luna, or what about Romula? Using big words and such. Have you even heard Circe talk at all?' 

'Good point.' Luna, Romula, and Circe were Lily's three closest friends. The four of them make up the four strangest girls in the entire school. Romula Lupin, who was Remus's twin sister that didn't even look like Remus, was in Ravenclaw and used really big words that left people with "huh" looks on their face's. Circe Willows was a quiet, almost painfully shy, Hufflepuff with a big insomnia problem. How she became friends with Luna is the mystery of the century. Luna Malfoy was a Slytherin. Though she never really liked me - I never liked her - she was nothing like any other Slytherin. While she couldn't have really cared less what one's birthright was, she wasn't shy too exercise her own. She claims she is the "white sheep" of her family and, from what we know about the Malfoys, she probably is. 

"There you are, Black." 

Think of the devil herself. 

"What do you want, Malfoy." 

"I came to tell you that we would be serving detention at 8 this evening with Professor Fletcher," she said with her trademark drawl. 

Romula and Remus said that everyone in her family talks that way except her brother's fiancé, "but no one has ever heard her talk," Romula said. 

"I assume you can tell your ... friends." 

She said the word "friends" as if it were a bad taste she couldn't get rid of. It was common knowledge that she didn't call the other girls "friends" they were merely "acquaintances that know me better than others." No one is sure quite why. Romula said that her attitude was from the "Slytherin/Malfoy" effect. "If you had people like that in your house or family you would have a misanthropic attitude towards people, too," she had said. No one knew what 'misanthropic' meant, but we think it might have meant something like 'antisocial'. I personally like to call it the "silver wand up the rear-end" effect. 

"Yeah. I'll tell 'em." 

I roll my eyes. She starts to turn to go, but stops. 

"Oh, yes." She said as if she forgotten something that wasn't really important, but her cold gray eyes were sparkling with mischief. Suddenly she slapped me on the back of my head so hard I can see stars. 

"What the.. what did you do that for?" 

"That was from Romula." 

Suddenly she stepped down hard on my foot. 

"And that is from Circe." 

I freeze. 

"You aren't going to hit me again are you?" I hope not. She hits hard! 

"No. I would prefer if my skin had little to no contact with yours," she said as-a-matter-of-a-fact. With a snarl she wiped her hand on her robes and then looked at me, smiling sweetly. 

"Mine's going to hurt a lot worse." 

Then she turned and walked down the corridor, her silver-blond hair waving behind her and robes swishing in a dramatic way. I really don't like her. 

"Don't you have somewhere to be going?" Was her final retort before she turned a corner and was gone. Did she know what was going on? James wouldn't tell her, but Lily would. Maybe I had better go and talk to him, now. My dear, sweet - hopefully in a forgiving mood - Remus. I can't really recall when I first started liking him more than a friend. It just sort of popped up on me. I can tell you when I knew for sure. It was the start of our second year when we meet on the train. It was the day before the new moon. He was always healthiest then. On the new moon he was just over the last change and the next was still to far away to effect him much. When he walked into the cabin that me and James were already occupying he just looked at me and smiled and **bang**. I knew at that very second I had to have him. He was the one that I needed and wanted. He was my life. It was as if I had lived my life in total darkness and when he smiled someone turned on the light. My life had never really began and I had been waiting all that time just to see him smile so that I could start my real life. It was love at first sight except I had seen him a million times before. James caught on from the beginning. He always saw me starring at Remus and soon confronted me about it. At first I denied but he said that even Lily knew about it and tricked me into telling all. "Well," James had said, "at the risk of quoting Romula, because she said this to Lily when we first started dating, 'Love at first sight is an amazing thing,' or something like that, 'but it when you fall in love with some one who you know everything about that it becomes a miracle'. But of course it was love at first sight with Lily and she was trying to break us up." "She actually said that? That actually makes sense," I said because Romula has a history of having philosophies no one understands - not to mention a vocabulary. And so my love blossomed. Then, at the end of last year, Luna, who is also in our potion's class, so nicely pointed out that Snape wasn't looking at Remus in that "I want to KILL you way," but in that "I WANT you" way. This, of course, lead to me telling Snape about the willow. "You told me you loved him," James screamed after he had pulled Snape away from the open door, just before the werewolf could attack. His face was blood red with anger. "You can't love him, not after that! Do you have any clue what would have happened if Remus had hurt - or worse- KILLED Snape? He could have been sent to Azkaban. Do you REALLY want 'the love of your life' to go there? Or if Remus had even BIT Snape he would have gone crazy. You know he wouldn't wish that upon his worst enemy - even Snape. I'm sure he wouldn't just fall head over heals in love with you if he knew that you used him as a weapon against someone because of a grudge." "But Snape's okay!" I had yelled. "I just wanted to scare him out of his obsession with Remus." "Yeah you scared him, and me, and Peter, but now he knows and there is no chance that Snape won't tell the whole school. All he has to do is tell one person and Remus and Dumbledore would be kicked out of this school! Did you not THINK?" James asked, but shook his head. "NO, you didn't," he answered for me. In truth, I had, just not that much. All I could think about was that Snape wanted my Remus. I didn't want him dead - well, not that I'll admit out loud - but I didn't want him near Remus. I wanted to scare him enough just so he would leave him alone. It worked until the end of last year. Now it's worse. When we came back this year, the first thing Professor Figg had done was put us with partners in potions. "I would put Black or Potter with Snape, but I wish for everyone to get out of this class alive." I was put with Avery, Peter with Wilkes, James with Luna, Lily with Rosier, and Remus was put with Snape. I hate Snape. It started out little but Snape has been growing bolder all year. I can still close my eyes and see the image of Snape's hand on the small of Remus's back. I hate Snape. I look up. I am only a corridor away from the Fat Lady. "You, my dear Sirius Black, are jealous.." James had said but I don't see it. "....jealous that Snape had the guts to tell Remus how he felt and you don't." Okay, maybe he did have a point. I can't tell Remus. What if things become awkward? What if things work out and then I lose him... what if he doesn't like me back? Oh, my God. What if he doesn't like me back? I hadn't thought of that! All this time I have been blissfully happy thinking about what Remus and I could have happen. I don't think I can handle the thought that those thoughts could NEVER happen. I have been living in a dream world and this one boy has all the power in my world to tear it apart. I feel an unfamiliar sensation start at the back of my eyes and nose. I think I'm going to cry. 

"Sirius?" 

The voice is soft, too soft to hear, and it's the cold hand that has touched mine that brings me out of whatever reverie I was in. 

"Sirius? Are you okay? Do you need to go to Madame Pomfrey?" Its Romula. 

"Yeah, yeah, I'm just... forget it," I say, trying to keep myself from looking into her dark eyes. She really doesn't look like Remus, even though she is his twin sister. He isn't considered tall, but he's not short. She, on the other hand, looks almost too small to be alive. She barely comes up to my shoulder. Whereas Remus has soft brown hair and golden brown eyes her eyes are as dark brown her hair. Circe looks like she could be Remus's twin easily. 

"Are you sure you're okay?" 

"Yeah, I just need to go talk to Remus." 

"Yeah," she nodded, "that would be a good idea." 

She smiled a small smile and walked past me. 

"Oh, did Luna..." 

"Yes. Luna hit me for you." 

She looked confused. 

"I didn't tell Luna to hit you." 

"Well, she did." 

Figures Luna would do something like that. 

"No I was going to ask if she told you that detention was..." 

"Tonight at 8 with Fletcher.. yeah. I got that." 

"Okay, good. Well, I'll see you." 

I try and think of something to ask her just to keep her from leaving - so I don't have to go and talk to Remus. 

"Did you talk to him?" She turned back to me. 

"Yeah." 

"Does he hate me?" 

"He will never hate you Sirius Black, no matter what you do. And we didn't really talk about you much anyways," She shrugged, "There was some - er - things that we had to figure out about something. He was - um - confused." 

She was trying to not tell me a lot, I could tell. 

"But you can talk to him about it." 

I watched her walk away thoughtfully. What was Remus so confused about? James had said he was confused and now Romula said it. I turn and suddenly realize that I had met Romula at the Fat Lady. When did I get here? I really can't remember walking here. Maybe talking to him is unavoidable. 'No,' My Lily-conscience said, 'It's inevitable. Some like to call it fate.'

\--------------------------

I'm not surprised to find him sitting on his bed reading. He looks so beautiful just sitting there, his hair falling in his face, but it didn't last for long. Without even looking up he closes the curtains on his bed. It's this cold act that nearly makes me want to turn and walk out. But I didn't. 

"I'm so sorry," it's a low whisper that I know he could hear with his sensitive ears. I get no response, but I know he is listening. He's holding his breath. 

"Please talk to me."

Nothing. 

"Please Remus. Don't shut me out. I was stupid... I'm sorry." 

I know I am begging, and for a split second my pride told me to shut up and find a way to blame him, but I cant. Instead I walked over to Peter's bed and sat down. 

"Remus?" 

Suddenly, with a jerk, he opened the curtains. The look in his eyes was almost ... lost. He looked lost. 

"I'm so, so sorry. Please. It was stupid and I over reacted...." 

Remus snorted, "I like to call it being over melodramatic about nothing." 

Then something ignites in me as I remember what James said. 

"I don't think having your worst enemy telling you that they love is qualified 'nothing." 

I'm a little more hateful then I wanted to sound. I really didn't mean to say that! 

"Which one told you?" 

His eyes are staring at me like I am an uninteresting piece of furniture that. 

"Who did you tell?" 

"James and Rom." 

"Um.. James. But he thought I already knew. He thought that that was why I -um-yelled." 

"Why did you yell?" His voice is so calm that it almost scares me. 

"Well, I don't know." 

"Oh," he said simply and looked back down at the book in his lap. 

"I **am** sorry, Remus." 

"So you have said." 

I can't stand the cold indifference in his voice; I would rather he yell. 

"Why didn't you tell me," I ask after a minute.. or 3... maybe... longer. 

"I was going to, but you started fighting with me and I got defensive." 

He finally looked at me; his eyes betrayed no emotion. I really wish he would yell, or something. 

"You really have no reason to be sorry." 

"I thought you wanted me to apologize." 

Suddenly there was a flicker of something soft flash in his eyes and his hard face softened. 

"I want more." 

I bit my lip. What did he mean by that? Almost as if by instinct I change the subject. 

"What did he say?" 

"We are not talking about Severus," he said as if I was a child, pronouncing every word perfectly, "we are talking about us." 

What? When did Snape become 'Severus'? And when did we become 'us'? He is looking at me, that lost look still in his eyes but an expression of hopeful patience was on his face. He wants more than an apology. I can do better. I can give him the truth as I know it, or understand it anyways. 

"I love you." 

Those words sum up everything... ...and my heart drops as his expression does. He looks at me sadly. 

"I have been waiting to hear you say those three words to me since I first met you..." his voice is starting to crack and his eyes are getting glossy with tears. There's more, he just isn't saying it. "...but..." I edge him on. He looks down and takes a deep breath, most likely to fight back the tears, and then he looks up at me, patience back in his face, but not hopeful anymore. ".. but there is more to it than love." 

He was still talking like he was talking to a child, softly and slowly. I don't doubt that I look like a child, now. 

"But.." He loves me, I love him.. "What more is there? What else do I possibly have that couldn't be yours if you just ask." 

I can't breathe and that stinging in my eyes is back. He looked away, and I highly suspect that it's because he doesn't want me to see him crying. 

"You have waited 4 years for me to tell you I love you and now that I have, it's not enough." 

Oh, I'm really confused now. 

"What happened?" 

Something clicked inside my head. 

"Did Snape say something..." I stand up abruptly, "did Snape do something cause if he did I'll kill..." 

"No." He said softly. "He didn't tell me anything I don't already know." 

"You said that when he said you were a monster who didn't deserve to live." 

"Yea, well, he is right this time." Remus was hiding something in his voice, something I couldn't pick up because he was so quiet, "Right about everything."

Suddenly I remembered something. Something I had forgotten but was so important. "What did he offer you." 

He was shaking with controlled sobs. 

"More than you can." 

I couldn't tell whether he was serious or being spiteful. I can't breathe. I feel like someone is sitting on my chest and I can't breathe. 

"What can't I offer you." 

Now that the sobs were coming out in my voice, he turned to look at me. His face was wet and his eyes were puffy. 

"Forever." 

"What?!" 

I would give him forever, I could. He could have the stars and the moon, even the sun and earth. He opened his mouth as to say something, but nothing came out. 

"Forever? You want forever? I will give you forever, eternity, heaven, and hell if you want it!!" 

I know there is an edgy tone in my voice with a certain amount of fear, need, and desperation. 

"No you can't. You can try. You can say right now that you will love me forever but you can't." 

He was back to that adult-to-a-child tone, "You can't give me your entire future on a crush." 

"Crush? You think this is a crush?" 

"I can't take the chance that it is." 

I'm looking at his, horror on my face. 

"What? Why?" 

"I'm a werewolf, Sirius." 

"I know that and I still love you...." 

"I'm a werewolf and there is more to it than love. I don't love and then lose.. I can't. I, physically, emotionally, - and everyway else - can't." 

"I'm not following... what are you..." 

"I'm saying that I mate for life. Who ever I... I mate with I am bound to them for life." 

"But I can..." I'm not sure what I was going to say. "I will give you that. I'm willing..." I walk over and sit down next to him. 

"Now you are. But what about in 20 years, or 10 years, 1 year or even next week?" 

"But we don't have to.... not now..." 

I put my hand on his. He looks at it blankly. 

"No. You aren't paying attention.... you don't get it. Werewolves **mate** for **life**. We don't just have sex to mate, there is more to it." 

He is becoming desperate, as if he had to explain it and I had to understand, and I we do. 

"You have to love forever and just because a werewolf loves his mate forever doesn't mean that the mate has to love him back. If we did.. mat.. then I would be destroyed if one day you decide that you don't love me.. that it **was** just a crush." 

"But it's not.. There is more to it than that.... I need you...." 

"You need me **now** but I'll need you forever! I won't get heartbroken, I won't get depressed, I'll die. The end of our relationship will be the end of my life." 

He is crying hard now. Harder than before and I can feel the tears flow down my own face. 

"What can I do to prove to you.. what can I say.." 

"We are only 14. You don't know what you want, you can't because I don't know what I want." 

I feel my face harden. 

"You don't know **what** you want, or **who** you want." 

He didn't answer, only looked away. 

"He is the one who reminded you about all this isn't he? This is what you are confused about?" 

He nodded. 

"His offer. This was what it was, wasn't it. He offered to be your mate." 

More silence. 

"He won't love you - he CAN'T love you like I love you. I will do anything for you. If you want me to wait, I'll wait." 

But I don't want to wait. Remus looked at me. He had that look in his eyes that meant he had an idea. 

"Okay, then." 

He hastily wiped the tears from his face and licked his lips. 

"The night we go home from the last day of our seventh year. If you say you love me, and if you say that you can give me forever - your forever - I'll believe you." 

"What if you don't love me?" 

"Impossible." 

"How?" 

"I'll love you. How can I not," he smiled. For the first time all day, I smiled, too. 

"You have a deal." 

I still feel like I'm crying and I can't breathe through my nose. Now I know why I never cried before. I get up to leave, but he jumps up. 

"Wait." 

I turn to him, and before I know it, his lips are on mine, and his eyes are still open, waiting for my reaction. I close my eyes, and kiss him back. It's a sweet, innocent kiss at first. Nothing but lips chastely touching other lips as my hand found their way to the back of his neck. I'm not sure who it was that deepened the kiss. But after that, I saw stars. Now, I have kissed other people before. I have kissed a few girls, and James (but we were ten, so that doesn't count) but none of them, no matter how good they were, was like this. Filibusters couldn't duplicate these fireworks. I kissed him the only way I knew how - but had never known before - with everything I am. Tried, with all I could, to share with him every emotion that I was feeling. I tried to tell him every word I could think of as to how I felt about him with this one kiss. I gave him my soul with that kiss. and my promise. Last day, seventh year, Hogwarts express. I was going to be there. I was going to tell him that I still love him. And it would take all of hell to stop me.

\----------------------------

They were trying to be quiet, but It's hard to be quiet with Peter tagging along. 

"Hey, James. Peter." 

"I told you..." James hissed. 

"Well, you weren't exactly a mouse yourself," Peter retorted. I can't help but laugh and look up from my comic. 

"What's up?" I say as they sit down in the chairs across from mine. 

"Actually," James looked at Peter and back at me, "we were hoping you would tell us." 

"What happened how did it go." Peter asked, tactlessly as ever. I give them a small smile. 

"It went." 

James's jaw dropped. 

"You aren't..." 

"Together? No." 

I looked back down at Max the Mad Muggle. 

"Well, then, what the hell happened? I thought he liked you back!" 

"He does." 

"Then what happened?" 

He was whining. 

"We came to an agreement." 

James and Peter weren't liking my casual attitude. 

"What kind of an agreement." 

"One we both agreed on." 

They didn't want to hear that. 

"Where is he?" 

"Upstairs." 

"Are you going to tell us anything?" 

"Anything." 

"That's it. We are getting nowhere," Peter jumped up, "I'm going to lunch." 

It wasn't until I heard the entrance close that I looked up at James. He was staring patently. I knew exactly what he wanted. I shrugged. 

"It didn't work out the way I had hoped." but that wasn't true. I wasn't too sure about how I wanted to work out. "But it will." James blinked and then nodded. 

"Hey." 

The two looked to see Remus standing at the stairs. 

"What's up? Where's Peter?" 

"At lunch. Hey," James said suddenly, "Do you know what venerated means?" 

"Venerated? No... why. Romula," Remus said as he walked up to us. 

"No, Lily. She said she venerated my lack of respect for rules, but she was being sarcastic so she really could have been saying anything." 

I can't help but laugh. 

"I think we need to separate the girls. Being sarcastic and using big words at the same time? That's a mix between Luna and Romula. Damn, if they can figure out a way to be quiet, sarcastic, and use big words at the same time, we are all in trouble." 

James laughed this time. 

"Come on, lets go to lunch." 

And so we went.... ......And when we got there, I couldn't help but watch the expression on Snape's face when I put my hand on the small of Remus' back. Damn, I hate Severus Snape.

THE END.


End file.
